Controls needed to protect women in such arranged unions
By Theresa Tan 16 September 2009
I once helped a total stranger pick a bride.
As the van-loads of prospective young brides descended on a Ho Chi Minh restaurant, a Singaporean clerk turned to me. ‘I want someone who looks like Gong Li or Zhang Ziyi,’ he said, referring to two gorgeous Chinese actresses.
Claiming to be overwhelmed by the women trotting before him, the man, who was in his 50s and said he had never had a girlfriend, shortlisted two candidates. Both were young enough to be his daughters.
He then asked for my opinion on which woman he should pick. I was flabbergasted, but managed to blurt out what I thought was the only sensible response to such a question: ‘Go for the older one so the age gap won’t be so glaring.’
In all, it took him about four hours from the moment he first set eyes on the 26-year-old farmer’s daughter to deciding he would take her as his wife.
To say he had precious little in common with his new bride would be - well, the word ‘understatement’ would be too mild.
They were strangers in every sense. They were from different countries and from vastly different social and cultural backgrounds. They could not even understand the words that poured forth from each other’s lips.
And love? Well, that was an afterthought, if even that. One party wanted out of Vietnam; the other, a wife to take home to his ageing parents.
Since matchmakers here first started organising such whirlwind bride tours to Vietnam - usually five days, four nights, wedding included - about a decade ago, a growing number of local men have tied the knot with Vietnamese women, although the exact number of such unions is not known. What we do know is that there is a steadily growing number of Singaporeans settling down with foreigners.
Last year, almost four in 10 marriages here were between a citizen and a non-citizen, compared to about three in 10 in 1998. And of these marriages, more than three-quarters involved a Singaporean groom and a foreign bride.
Because of their numbers, the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) started printing brochures two years ago listing the agencies that foreign brides can turn to for help.
Among other things listed in the brochures are the telephone numbers of family service centres and the Archdiocesan Commission for the Pastoral Care of Migrants and Itinerant People (ACMI), a Catholic group that helps migrants.
The brochures are printed in English, Chinese, Vietnamese and Bahasa Indonesia. When asked, a MCYS spokesman said the brochure is ‘to inform non-Singaporean brides of the marriage process and agencies they may approach to help them settle down in Singapore’.
But perhaps more should be done for these brides than providing them with a list of numbers. Speak to social workers, and a troubling picture emerges of what ‘settling in’ might mean to some of these women.
Help agencies say they are seeing a growing number of foreign wives seeking help to get away from abusive or deadbeat husbands. Others have simply been abandoned.
Lawyer Cheng Kim Kuan, who volunteers legal aid to brides at the Hainan Hwee Kuan, said he met one pregnant bride who was being shipped back to Hainan by her husband.
He had filed for divorce and claimed in the papers that he would not be financially responsible for his wife and unborn child once they were back in China. They had been married less than a year.
Reports like these should not be surprising, given the shaky foundations of many of these quickie marriages.
Unlike local women, who have family and other support structures here, foreign wives of abusive husbands have to suffer in silence as they are almost totally dependent on their husbands.
Many hold long-term social visit passes which have to be renewed regularly by their sponsors, usually their husbands. If their husbands do not renew their pass, they risk being booted out and separated from their children.
Others are financially dependent on their husbands, so they stay, come hell or high water - and it is mostly hell, say social workers.
Volunteers have heard it all.
Ms Susie Wong, chairman of the Star Shelter which takes in abused women, said: ‘Some men feel that since they ‘bought’ their wives, they can do anything they want with them.’
Some are locked up at home and treated like maids, or maids-cum-sex partners, said ACMI’s senior executive officer Elizabeth Tan.
It is time Singapore took a leaf from other Asian countries that have begun to crack down on unions such as these.
Last month, Taiwan banned businesses brokering marriages between Taiwanese men and foreign brides after reports surfaced of such brides being ill-treated and even murdered for insurance money. Whirlwind matchmaking tours to Vietnam were popular among older Taiwanese men in the past decade.
Now, only non-profit groups licensed by the government can help Taiwanese men marry women from abroad. These outfits are not allowed to charge anything, other than the costs involved.
In June last year, the South Korean government started coming down on matchmakers that gave false information about potential grooms or life in South Korea in order to entice foreigners to marry them.
Also dozens of centres will be set up to help foreign spouses settle down in South Korea by, for example, teaching them the Korean language and educating them about Korean culture.
The authorities here could do more to protect vulnerable foreign brides, such as those from Vietnam who meet and marry their husbands after just a few meetings.
Perhaps Singapore should, like Taiwan, allow only non-profit groups to matchmake such unions to prevent businesses from exploiting the women.
Whatever Singapore’s approach, we cannot close our eyes and ears any longer to the silent cries of these abused brides.
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Silent cries of foreign brides
Controls needed to protect women in such arranged unions
By Theresa Tan
16 September 2009
I once helped a total stranger pick a bride.
As the van-loads of prospective young brides descended on a Ho Chi Minh restaurant, a Singaporean clerk turned to me. ‘I want someone who looks like Gong Li or Zhang Ziyi,’ he said, referring to two gorgeous Chinese actresses.
Claiming to be overwhelmed by the women trotting before him, the man, who was in his 50s and said he had never had a girlfriend, shortlisted two candidates. Both were young enough to be his daughters.
He then asked for my opinion on which woman he should pick. I was flabbergasted, but managed to blurt out what I thought was the only sensible response to such a question: ‘Go for the older one so the age gap won’t be so glaring.’
In all, it took him about four hours from the moment he first set eyes on the 26-year-old farmer’s daughter to deciding he would take her as his wife.
To say he had precious little in common with his new bride would be - well, the word ‘understatement’ would be too mild.
They were strangers in every sense. They were from different countries and from vastly different social and cultural backgrounds. They could not even understand the words that poured forth from each other’s lips.
And love? Well, that was an afterthought, if even that. One party wanted out of Vietnam; the other, a wife to take home to his ageing parents.
Since matchmakers here first started organising such whirlwind bride tours to Vietnam - usually five days, four nights, wedding included - about a decade ago, a growing number of local men have tied the knot with Vietnamese women, although the exact number of such unions is not known. What we do know is that there is a steadily growing number of Singaporeans settling down with foreigners.
Last year, almost four in 10 marriages here were between a citizen and a non-citizen, compared to about three in 10 in 1998. And of these marriages, more than three-quarters involved a Singaporean groom and a foreign bride.
Because of their numbers, the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) started printing brochures two years ago listing the agencies that foreign brides can turn to for help.
Among other things listed in the brochures are the telephone numbers of family service centres and the Archdiocesan Commission for the Pastoral Care of Migrants and Itinerant People (ACMI), a Catholic group that helps migrants.
The brochures are printed in English, Chinese, Vietnamese and Bahasa Indonesia. When asked, a MCYS spokesman said the brochure is ‘to inform non-Singaporean brides of the marriage process and agencies they may approach to help them settle down in Singapore’.
But perhaps more should be done for these brides than providing them with a list of numbers. Speak to social workers, and a troubling picture emerges of what ‘settling in’ might mean to some of these women.
Help agencies say they are seeing a growing number of foreign wives seeking help to get away from abusive or deadbeat husbands. Others have simply been abandoned.
Lawyer Cheng Kim Kuan, who volunteers legal aid to brides at the Hainan Hwee Kuan, said he met one pregnant bride who was being shipped back to Hainan by her husband.
He had filed for divorce and claimed in the papers that he would not be financially responsible for his wife and unborn child once they were back in China. They had been married less than a year.
Reports like these should not be surprising, given the shaky foundations of many of these quickie marriages.
Unlike local women, who have family and other support structures here, foreign wives of abusive husbands have to suffer in silence as they are almost totally dependent on their husbands.
Many hold long-term social visit passes which have to be renewed regularly by their sponsors, usually their husbands. If their husbands do not renew their pass, they risk being booted out and separated from their children.
Others are financially dependent on their husbands, so they stay, come hell or high water - and it is mostly hell, say social workers.
Volunteers have heard it all.
Ms Susie Wong, chairman of the Star Shelter which takes in abused women, said: ‘Some men feel that since they ‘bought’ their wives, they can do anything they want with them.’
Some are locked up at home and treated like maids, or maids-cum-sex partners, said ACMI’s senior executive officer Elizabeth Tan.
It is time Singapore took a leaf from other Asian countries that have begun to crack down on unions such as these.
Last month, Taiwan banned businesses brokering marriages between Taiwanese men and foreign brides after reports surfaced of such brides being ill-treated and even murdered for insurance money. Whirlwind matchmaking tours to Vietnam were popular among older Taiwanese men in the past decade.
Now, only non-profit groups licensed by the government can help Taiwanese men marry women from abroad. These outfits are not allowed to charge anything, other than the costs involved.
In June last year, the South Korean government started coming down on matchmakers that gave false information about potential grooms or life in South Korea in order to entice foreigners to marry them.
Also dozens of centres will be set up to help foreign spouses settle down in South Korea by, for example, teaching them the Korean language and educating them about Korean culture.
The authorities here could do more to protect vulnerable foreign brides, such as those from Vietnam who meet and marry their husbands after just a few meetings.
Perhaps Singapore should, like Taiwan, allow only non-profit groups to matchmake such unions to prevent businesses from exploiting the women.
Whatever Singapore’s approach, we cannot close our eyes and ears any longer to the silent cries of these abused brides.
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