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Friday, 12 June 2009
True Singapore drivers live by this code
You’ve heard of The Da Vinci Code. Now, insurance company AXA has cracked an even greater puzzle: The Singapore Motorist’s Code. Incidentally, this has nothing to do with the Highway Code because local drivers are not aware of that either.
You’ve heard of The Da Vinci Code. Now, insurance company AXA has cracked an even greater puzzle: The Singapore Motorist’s Code. Incidentally, this has nothing to do with the Highway Code because local drivers are not aware of that either.
However, while Tom Hanks knew enough not to consult the Vatican when he was trying to figure out what was wrong with the painting of The Last Supper, AXA should have known better than to poll actual motorists to find out about their driving habits.
You see, by doing so, it assumed that the drivers would tell the truth. That is like a traffic policeman stopping a motorist for speeding and asking him: ‘Do you know how fast you were going?’
AXA should have consulted me, the last remaining custodian of ‘The True Singaporean Driver’s Code of Motoring Without Punishment or Loss of NCB’ to still have a valid driver’s licence. Yes, many of my kind have been vanquished and banished to the other side - public transportation - but they have vowed to return to uphold the code. As soon as they work off the requisite number of demerit points.
In fact, if AXA had spoken to me, it would have known that more than 23 per cent of motorists know that the speed limit on normal roads is 50 kmh. It is more likely that half of the other motorists who said they were unaware have used that ignorance as an excuse when pleading with the LTA to compound their speeding summons with just a warning. They are just afraid that AXA takes down the names of people who respond to their survey and passes them to LTA who might cross-check responses against those that it has issued warnings.
Still, as I am tired of being the last remaining custodian of The True Singaporean Driver’s Code, I have decided to reveal some of the most important doctrines of this code, so that more drivers will come forth to uphold this sacred way of the wheel:
# The car is an extension of your home: you may shave, tweeze your eyebrows, eat, apply make-up, adjust underwear and administer medication up your nostril with all the confidence as you would in your own home. If you experience a wave of self-consciousness, ignore it, or put up some nice frilly curtains.
# There is no such thing as a speed limit. If you take into account a grace extension of 10 kmh, add another 10kmh for an under-reading speedometer, argue for a 10 per cent reduction of the speed a traffic cop attributes to you when he pulls you over, throw in an urgent matter of the bladder or wailing infant, and it is possible to go 120kmh on the expressway with a clear conscience.
# You can cross a double white line under the following conditions: a) you want to cut off a pesky tailgater who is annoying you; b) there are no traffic cops around; c) because it’s there.
# You are acutely aware of other drivers around you. That is why you speed up when someone else is indicating, take your time to get out of a parking space and harass little cars with cutesy stickers like ‘My other car is a Porsche’ and furry steering wheels.
# Do a beer test to determine how many cans of beer you can drink before you can’t drive, just in case that question pops up in a survey on Singaporean driving habits . . .
1 comment:
True Singapore drivers live by this code
By JAIME EE
12 June 2009
You’ve heard of The Da Vinci Code. Now, insurance company AXA has cracked an even greater puzzle: The Singapore Motorist’s Code. Incidentally, this has nothing to do with the Highway Code because local drivers are not aware of that either.
However, while Tom Hanks knew enough not to consult the Vatican when he was trying to figure out what was wrong with the painting of The Last Supper, AXA should have known better than to poll actual motorists to find out about their driving habits.
You see, by doing so, it assumed that the drivers would tell the truth. That is like a traffic policeman stopping a motorist for speeding and asking him: ‘Do you know how fast you were going?’
AXA should have consulted me, the last remaining custodian of ‘The True Singaporean Driver’s Code of Motoring Without Punishment or Loss of NCB’ to still have a valid driver’s licence. Yes, many of my kind have been vanquished and banished to the other side - public transportation - but they have vowed to return to uphold the code. As soon as they work off the requisite number of demerit points.
In fact, if AXA had spoken to me, it would have known that more than 23 per cent of motorists know that the speed limit on normal roads is 50 kmh. It is more likely that half of the other motorists who said they were unaware have used that ignorance as an excuse when pleading with the LTA to compound their speeding summons with just a warning. They are just afraid that AXA takes down the names of people who respond to their survey and passes them to LTA who might cross-check responses against those that it has issued warnings.
Still, as I am tired of being the last remaining custodian of The True Singaporean Driver’s Code, I have decided to reveal some of the most important doctrines of this code, so that more drivers will come forth to uphold this sacred way of the wheel:
# The car is an extension of your home: you may shave, tweeze your eyebrows, eat, apply make-up, adjust underwear and administer medication up your nostril with all the confidence as you would in your own home. If you experience a wave of self-consciousness, ignore it, or put up some nice frilly curtains.
# There is no such thing as a speed limit. If you take into account a grace extension of 10 kmh, add another 10kmh for an under-reading speedometer, argue for a 10 per cent reduction of the speed a traffic cop attributes to you when he pulls you over, throw in an urgent matter of the bladder or wailing infant, and it is possible to go 120kmh on the expressway with a clear conscience.
# You can cross a double white line under the following conditions: a) you want to cut off a pesky tailgater who is annoying you; b) there are no traffic cops around; c) because it’s there.
# You are acutely aware of other drivers around you. That is why you speed up when someone else is indicating, take your time to get out of a parking space and harass little cars with cutesy stickers like ‘My other car is a Porsche’ and furry steering wheels.
# Do a beer test to determine how many cans of beer you can drink before you can’t drive, just in case that question pops up in a survey on Singaporean driving habits . . .
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