CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance; the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing
BROKER – What my broker has made me
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves
FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has just been disconnected
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse
PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use
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