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Monday, 10 March 2008
Hi Panda
5 comments:
Anonymous
said...
Next time when you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this...
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't," she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex & workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients...
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
I've been engaged for almost a year. I'm to be married next month.
My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive, but really great and understanding.
She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list, because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.
When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred... then she floored me.
She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me.
Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.
I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation.
I headed straight out the front door...
There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling.
He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl.
I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
Should I tell my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character?
Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?
A husband and a wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word, typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."
The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
5 comments:
Next time when you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this...
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't," she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex & workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients...
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
I've been engaged for almost a year. I'm to be married next month.
My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive, but really great and understanding.
She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list, because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.
When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred... then she floored me.
She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me.
Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.
I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation.
I headed straight out the front door...
There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling.
He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl.
I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.
Should I tell my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character?
Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?
Parental Code
A husband and a wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word, typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."
The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
One female trader at a firm was making a fortune on QQQ every morning.
No matter what the trade, she made money.
The other traders were curious and asked her the secret.
She said, "when I get up in the morning, and my husband's dick is hanging to the right.....I go short. When it hangs to the left......I go long."
One of the traders, being the pest he was asked, "and what do you do if it is straight up?"
She said, "I stay home, ain't no day to go trading....."
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