Wednesday 1 October 2008

Time to Try a Little Graciousness

We’ve got it ‘maid’ - but is my generation so spoilt that we can’t afford better manners?
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Guanyu said...

Time to Try a Little Graciousness

We’ve got it ‘maid’ - but is my generation so spoilt that we can’t afford better manners?

By Kimberly Spykerman - The Straits Times
1 October 2008

YOU could say we’re the generation that’s got it ‘maid’.

I should know. I’m one of them.

Having grown up with a domestic helper at home, I’m sheepish to admit that part of me still believes rice magically appears in the cooker, and laundry somehow shows up washed and ironed. Subconsciously, I might even expect it.

It took a sideline stint as a reporter-turned-foodcourt cleaner some weeks ago for me to realise this.

I thought being called ‘auntie’ for three straight hours, despite being under 30, would be the worst of it.

But the backlash was worse.

After I reported my findings - that Singaporeans were a rather grubby lot of diners - a number of incensed letters poured in, indignantly exclaiming: ‘She doesn’t know what she’s talking about!’

One reader even wrote: ‘It sounds like Paris Hilton spent the day at a wet market, and is now whining about the ugliness of humanity.’

Many, especially those in my peer group, felt that having a cleaner mop up after them was their entitlement - part of the higher prices they paid for foodcourt meals.

During my stint, I crossed paths with many who refused to pick up after themselves.

It’s not that they don’t realise the mess they leave. One lad even traipsed over to the clearing station just to ask me to clean up the mess at his table.

But when I asked why he couldn’t just haul the trays over on his way to the station, he shrugged and said: ‘I don’t want to. It’s dirty.’

When I asked others like him why, the most common response was: ‘Why should I, when there’s someone to do it for me?’

Still, when I did clear up their debris, most didn’t even thank me. Blame it on being the object of years of being doted on, our needs always being placed first by our domestic helpers.

Not so our parents.

Those among their generation - baby boomers - were noted for their work ethic and contribution to nation-building. As fully formed adults by the time they were in their 20s, they were experienced at household management, having been raised to participate in cooking, cleaning and looking after younger siblings.

What they were denied, they gave their children - children who really do have it good, although it might not have done us good.

Forget about being expected to give back much just because we have received much. It seems, unfortunately, that we are guilty of a form of ungraciousness that is not even intentional.

I never even realised that expecting others to pick up after me might be regarded as - and there’s no other word for it - bratty.

My stint as a foodcourt cleaner was like holding a mirror up to myself, and I didn’t like what I saw.

I wondered, with wealth and status, have we become ugly?

Well-travelled Singaporeans who wrote in defended our untidiness - they said our foodcourts are still cleaner than those in the United States and Britain, where litter is common.

But bad behaviour is not quite the same as dirtiness now, is it?

Just because we can pay someone to clean up does not put us in a class above them.

Unlike our hardworking parents, will my generation be in danger of going down as being so spoilt by money, they couldn’t afford to have some manners?

Maybe it is time we rethink our standards, rather than blame our privileged upbringing.

Try a little graciousness, anyone?

This article was first published in The Straits Times on Sept 29, 2008.